The agony of this experience just never ends. I arrived this morning to the sound of my dad howling, no wailing, in pain. He began this waling around 3 am, waking up everyone with one of the baby monitors in the house. The haunting sound of that pitiful wail will be with me the rest of my life. It took HOURS to get him calm and resting again. And when he breathes there is this raspy sound.
I don’t know if I can bear this for him. All of us are tired, none of us has slept more than an hour or two a day in the last five days. My sisters are caring for dad almost around the clock, giving meds, bathing, soothing, rubbing lotions, etc. He hasn’t opened his eyes in two days. Is that part of this dying process? Or is it because the lamebrains at Southern Care told us the drops in the bottle were for his eyes…when it was actually morphine…who knows? The nurses they send are about as compassionate as a worker at McDonald’s. So far there has been no counselor, no social worker, no chaplain. And Dad is suffering. We are so helpless right now, we just don’t know what to do. Somebody please, tell us how to make this nightmare stop. We’re all dying with him and hospice is NO help. I hate this company with an ungodly passion at this moment. What a crock, they were supposed to help us get through this. We’ve never been with someone who’s dying before. This is our father, our hero, he’s had so much pain and suffering in his life already. Can’t we do SOMETHING? Why does he have to go through all this just to be able to die in peace?
I am so sick I can’t keep food down, and I can’t stop the trembling. We are all so battle-weary we can’t think straight, can’t remember things, we’re in a fog.