Here at home I’m not surrounded by memories of Dad, so I can keep plugging along and get stuff done without thinking alot about it. But when I’m trying to go to sleep, or when I’m alone in the car, the memories flood in and so do the tears. I don’t know that the healing happens any “faster” by my being at Mom’s house where there are so many memories of Dad. I guess healing just comes in time no matter where you are. I know that grieving is different for everyone, it depends a lot on the quality of the relationship you had with the person. You feel the loss more keenly when you lose someone you’ve been very close to. When you’ve invested a lot of time and energy into the relationship, having them gone leaves a big empty space in your heart.
I have to say that I think this is a lot of how Dad handled things as well. He was a no-nonsense man in a lot of ways. Like that last weekend, when I hugged him and told him I loved him and wished I could just keep him forever, he looked me in the eye and said, “But you can’t, and that’s a fact.” Like he was telling me how to fix my car or do the dishes. it’s just the way it is, he would tell me. People live, and they die, and you just have to go on. And we will, we are going on. But that Dad-shaped hole in our hearts willl take a lot of filling.